Tears,
Tear, Tears…………yes many tears have recently been spotted near my pillow and
near the computer room A little over
one month ago, it appeared that the answered to the five
year prayer of our son Jose Luis AKA Tigre and a lifelong prayer of mines came
true. Although I had no business looking
into a private adoption situation yet as we were waiting on a foster to adopt
placement via our state, I looked and there it was a posting about a expectant
mother who choose life for her son and
was looking for a Hispanic Christian family to adopt her son. And here we were, just me looking. I was so excited and I contacted the agency
and thought I had received all the details. Maybe I did but in the excitement
of being able to adopt a newborn very important details were missed. Almost two weeks later after contacting the
agency, the birthmother choose us. We
were not even looking into
domestic adoption yet and we were
shocked that everything could happen so quickly. We had lots of things to do in a very short
time and lots of fundraising to do to make sure we had all the resources
available. We thought that God had dropped this adoption into our laps. A
lifelong dream of adopting a new born baby was going to become reality in such
a short time. I thought I was dreaming
and kept pinching myself. Tigre and hubby was so excited too---We even picked
a name! Tigre would go to sleep smiling
and saying “mom my baby brother will be here soon.”
We
had lots of things on our to do list we
needed to update our home study and later found out that we needed a brand new
one. Doctors appointments for updated
physicals, letters of recommendations, trips to the bank, fingerprints,
clearances, more trips to the banks, day and night research for grants, and lots of fundraising as this was so sudden
and private domestic adoptions have a high cost etc, etc. There were very busy weeks ahead for us. We spoke to expectant mom birth mom in various occasions always
through the agency on a three way call. I found this strange as some of my friends
have contact with their expectant mom without a 3rd party involved. Expectant
mom although she choose us did not seem
happy most of the time I spoke to her. She would say “Yeah, everyone says this
is the best thing for the baby and I want him to have a better life.” She always kept saying what people thought
she should do but never directly answer what she wanted to do or how she felt. I did bring this up to the agency director and
he said to me “Maria, if the expectant
mom won the Powerball tomorrow, what do you think she would do? This worried me but I kept silent as I did
not want to rock the boat. My home study
agency also pointed out to me, among many alarming things
that birth mom was drinking
medicine that was toxic to the baby but had been prescribed to her due to a
condition she had. We kept praying for
mom and baby. We felt this was our child
and would take all the risk.
We
tried to guard our hearts and not get excited. We
choose to only tell a few people at work and than I did tell all my contacts on
Face book as I needed their support via prayer and via my fundraising efforts Most of my family found out via facebook or
phone calls too. Then we felt guilty for not being excited about our future
baby boy. Receiving an answer to a life long prayer
should be exciting. So slowly, we
started to open our hearts to being
parents in April. We had additional phone conversations with expectant mom and she seemed to be more interested in
getting to know hubby, she kept asking tons of questions about him and continued
to request more pictures of the family but I was okay with it.
On Wednesday
4/3 our good news changed. Due to a private situation no fault of us but which I prefer not to discussed related to
this particular match, we found out that we were could no longer be match with
baby boy due end of April. I won’t go
through all the details, but the prospect of adopting this baby boy whose ultrasound pictures are still in my inbox is no
longer an option. It took me a while to digest this information as I try to
find a way to make this work. I stayed up various nights praying and asking God
to intervene and help leave this door opened but God choose to leave this door
closed and even tightened it more.
It
was very disappointing to hear in
writing some very hurtful words from someone who I least expected and highly
respected, and still do. However, I took
it to the Lord in prayer and although I wrote back to the person I felt led not
to send the note so I did not. I know in God’s timing, he will deal with this
person accordingly.
The
next week or so was so awful. It seem
like everywhere I went someone with the name of the expectant mom
was there or I kept seeing moms with newborns more than ever. We were heart broken and so was our 8 year old . My emotions went from shock to sadness to
feelings of maybe there was something
else I could have done then back to sadness again. We are fine and feel peace now. Thanks to prayers and wonderful support groups of friends. .
I
don’t really understand why God would place this potential adoption in our laps , open this door and than
close the door so quickly. But I have to have trust and have faith
that he has a plan that is so much
greater than the pain we felt at the time we were unmatched.
We continue
to move forward. God has carried us through this. We are back waiting again to adopt via the
foster to adopt system in our State or via a private domestic adoption or both
ways. I am back looking, researching
agencies, fundraising etc, etc. God
already knows the children that will find there forever home at our home in the
meantime we wait here patiently once again.
We
have talked about lessons learned almost daily and often wondered what additional
lessons we are supposed to learn from this disappointment as this is the second
one on less than a year. Last June we lost a sibling groups via a failed match
through the State foster care due to a kinship showing up at the 11th
hour. This one last year left us a house full of cribs , clothes and baby
things. Who knows where our road will lead?. I do know that we will not lose
faith , We don’t always know why God gave
us this bump in the road or the one last year, but I believe He is preparing us
for something even better! We can only hope, trust and obey. . I still have no business looking so soon, but
I am. The clock is ticking, the roller
coaster took off again and we are not getting off this roller coaster until it
reaches its final destination and the purpose of why we got on it in the first
place is accomplished.
Please
continue to pray for us, and if God leads you to help in anyway, you know what
to do our fundraising efforts continue until we reach the final destination. Our
page outlines a few ways you can help, if you felt led only. Also feel free to follow
our journey as I will update this blog as often as I am able. Shalom
Blessings,
the Flores
Our Fundraisers:
https://justlovecoffee.com/about/beneficiary/wehaveroomattheflores/
http://www.gofundme.com/2duk88
Paypal: flores422x@aol.com
Our Fundraisers:
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